Adventure

ok…so I went on an adventure…wanted to go see Dawn..didn’t make it there. made it to Kentucky, just over the line from West Virginia. Decided to turn around and come back and proceeded to blow a tire. *grumble* got some cool pictures though.

*sigh*

I miss him. so much I can’t stand it sometimes. I am driving everyone crazy, talking about him non stop, on an emotional roller coaster. XD I am trying to learn spanish so I can go there and talk to his family. I want to go visit ASAP, but he is worried about my back. *grumble* my point is that it hurts if I am here, or if I am not, so why not do what i want to do?? Why let it interfere anymore then I absolutely have to let it?? The problem is he really wants to put me away in a tissue box with tissue paper and sparklies and not have me move at all. and I am just not going for that. I told him unless he is planning on coming back before I have the chance to get there, then I am COMING. cause I want to see him, and meet his family, and see his town. I am also looking at doing some possible investing there too. so we will see. I am hoping things work out with the insurance company ASAP so I can go. its only been a week since he has been gone and it is too long. I also thought it was supposed to get easier and better with time…and no, it is just more and more sucky. I am now nauseated  and cry all  the time, for no apparent reason. XD Poor Dawn is just about completely sick of me bursting into tears  for no decent reason, at the drop of a hat. XD At least normally if I am depressed, I am just a raging b**** who is angry and irritable and just plain pissed at everything. not now….this version is sad and mopey and cries ALL THE TIME. and now hungry every 6 hours and slightly nauseated. but maybe with the return of my appetite my stomach problems will finally calm down. oh well. *sigh* at least I got to talk to my Alex today finally, which made me soooooooooooooooo happy!!! XDXDXD

So sad

Well, I am almost recovered from the trip to the airport. didn’t sleep for 2 days before essentially, and so now I am trying to recover. Very sad being here alone without him. Very hard going from non-stop contact with him to a few minutes on the phone or online here and there. T_T I miss him sooooooooo much, everyone in my house is depressed and none of us know what to do with ourselves LOL. I will post some pictures later, apparently right now they are not being allowed for some reason. But I am disgustingly in love still, both of us are, saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life…and I just try to tell myself it won’t be so long before we are together again. It just kills me when I think about how far away we are from each other now…1700 miles away…when for the past month he was right next to me, usually with some part of us touching at all times. *sigh* I don’t know what I miss the most…there is so much. but just having him next to me, falling asleep on him, waking up to him covering me in kisses in my sleep…I just can’t hardly stand it. I am trying so hard to focus on the positive stuff and think about happy things…I just feel so terribly alone right now. nights are the worst and i am trying to learn how to go to sleep again without him here. so far I am not being very successful.

But it was wonderful, beyond wonderful having him here…and I can’t wait to see him again. I am looking at going there for a visit next month first, before he comes back here to me. we will see if that works out. *grumbles about stupid passport issues*

Too Long

wow…its been too long since I have updated this thing LOLOL. um…hopefully my lack of posting will let people know that all is well here…or you thought he was actually a homicidal maniac who killed me in my sleep. well…no killing going on..everything is WONDERFUL, he is WONDERFUL and FABULOUS and I AM SO IN LOVE IT IS DISGUSTING and I am never online anymore because I am busy having too much fun. he is wonderful and loves me and is going to come back and visit soon. and I just wuv him soooooooooooooooooooo much. *sigh* and that is all to report right now.

2 days

2……..more…….days…..oh……my……..god…….O.O    it really is happening. O.O I can’t believe it. I think I might just faint. O.O

Actually spending money on MYSELF

wow. something i never do. LOL I went to the SPA. O.O it was a little bit of heaven. I had a pedicure, and got waxed for the first time..it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. LOL they were all soooooo nice. the table I was on for the waxing was super comfortable..it was heated and cushy and I totally could have fallen asleep. and she was so nice, didn’t make me feel at all uncomfortable or self-concious. and the pedicure was lovely too..i got to soak my feet and sit in a massaging chair and everything. I am supposed to go tomorrow for a massage..an honest to god real massage…i have only had that once in my life, many many many many MANY years ago. But now I am feeling guilty for spending all this money on myself and debating cancelling the massage. but OMG it would feel sooooooooo good. and considering how much work I have been doing around the house it would be good for me as well. I just don’t know. i think i will look at my bank account again and see how I feel about it.

wow

ok the closet is done..just need to vaccum in there. took 7 bags of stuff to salvation army. o.o I did this on friday..and thought i was going to die on Sat. found the perfect quilt for my bed..of course the one I really really wanted they didn’t have in the right size…so I got something else that i think is going to be gorgous though. managed to get Jacob’s costume done..the purim play was cute. I took lots of pictures which I will have to put up soon. I have been doing so much shopping its ridiculous. o.o I think i hurt more from shopping  then i do from cleaning! I am mad at myself though..I got the wrong size curtain rod..I was dumb and not thinking and had the right one to begin with….then doubted myself and got the wrong one. >_< oh well. yet another trip to wallmart then.

I did something really nice for myself though tonight…I had gotten nice smelly bath stuff as a present and never used any of it. so I cleaned my tub and took an honest to god bubble bath with real bubbles and a rubber ducky! it was a little bit of heaven…and now I smell loverly and my back feels sooooooooo much better! i lit some candles and had music..it was so nice. I can’t remember the last time I did that. I think I will be doing that much more often…made me feel so much better!! and now i am all nice and sleepy and ready for bed. which I think it is time for now. n.n

I am dying

OMG I am sooooooooooooooo sore. I cleaned my room and rearranged furniture all day yesterday. i don’t think there is a part of my body that doesn’t hurt the scary part is I am not done yet. still so much more to do. I got so irritated with Tinkerbell because I had gotten this carpet cleaning stuff and was using it in my bedroom. You sprinkle it on the floor, let it sit for 15 minutes then vaccum. it gets all the pet hair up and stinkies in the carpet. so I did this…and what does tinkerbell do? as soon as I open my door and go out of my room, she races in there and starts rolling herself around right where I vaccumed. *eyeroll* I was like DUDE can I not get 5 minutes of a clean carpet before you start making it messy again?

So I cleaned some under my bed even, at least around the edges. I couldn’t bring myself to brave the center scary -things might- be- living- there- waiting -to -take- my- hand- off area. I even cleaned out my nightstand..which was an adventure in and of iteself I had origionally thought about getting a corner curio cabinet in my room to display all my angels that people keep giving me…but I am liking what I did better. By actually having cleared off horizontal surfaces, I can put my angels on them. I still need to clean off my big dresser, the tall bookcase, vaccum there and clean out my closet..but its getting there. my parents got me a jewelry armoir for channuka that unfortunately has been just sitting there empty cause i didn’t have a place to put it. so now i can actually use it YAY. I also decided it was time to get real curtains. Back when I first moved in here, I didn’t know how to sew or anything. So I bought this cheap cheap cotton sheeting material, and used pinking shears to cut the bottom and dimond shaped holes in it for the curtain rod. I had put all kinds of other pretty stuff up over top, that since has gone bye bye due to being a massive dust catcher. but I decided that its been long enough living with these things and that I can have real curtains in my room.  I am looking for a comforter for my bed, and will actually have coordinating curtains..I feel like such a grown-up. :P The scariest moment yesterday was when I was trying to fix my molding in my room. when I moved in, I put up some half-round molding underneath the other molding, painting it a hunter green to coordinate with my furniture. In a couple of spots, it is coming down. So yesterday in the low corner of the room, I decided to try and nail it back up. This meant climbing up onto a folding chair, balancing there while I tried to hammer nails in a small space. just getting up onto the chair itself was an adventure. but I did it. My father is bringing me a ladder so I can fix the other corner..it is the high end of the room so there is no way standing on a chair is going to do it.

But it is nice, because my room is becoming the sanctuary it should be, considering how much time i spend in it. The closet is going to be a huge project..but i think it can be done. I would LOVE to have a new couch and chair in my living room- my couch has been broken for a long time due to my mother. and I hate the wing chair cause it is sooooo uncomfortable I had bought slip covers for them both, but am getting really tired of them. I have hung onto the furniture because I was going to wait until I move to change it..but its getting to the point that I just can’t stand it. So I may very well be getting some new furniture too.

the sad thing is all of this (though it does need to be done) is really an attempt to put off sewing my son’s costume for Sunday. I went yesterday to pull out the sewing machine, and realized it was buried in the closet in the spare room, from when I shoved everything in there for Lori’s visit. *sigh* so I have to get that out and organize that closet better…yet another adventure I am not looking forward to. Of course, if Dawn or Arturo could see me doing any of this stuff, they would be having fits left and right. I guess it is a good thing after all that no one ever reads my blog except for Jen ROTFL.  I will post pictures once it is all done and shiney clean and organized. considering what a miracle it will be, I best take pictures to remember it.

ok I feel better

I talked to my parents, and they are not going to put Randy down yet. They decided to see how he is, because he seems to be ok right now. I am really glad, because when I saw him, he seemed ok, not quite the same but not sick. I also told Sabrina, and she took it much much better then i thought she would. The anniversary of her dog’s passing is this week, and rather than this upsetting her, she took it as if he has to go, then Randy will be with her doggie. I still haven’t said anything to Jacob, other than Randy is sick. I will cross that bridge when I come to it, as horrible as it will be.

He is coming!!

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!! *passes out* he is really coming!!!!! OMG!! his flight is booked, his plane ticket is bought..and he is here in like, well, now 17 days!!!!!! OMG!!!!! I don’t know what I am going to do with myself..to keep myself sane..and not thinking something really bad is going to happen to mess it up ahhhhhhhhh!!!! this is sooooooooooooooooooooo exciting!! I am so excited, nervous, scared, shy, happy, shocked, elated, on cloud 9 and nauseated all at the same time ROTFL. Everything is falling into place for this…for him to be here. O.O it’s really going to happen..i am really going to go to the airport and pick him up and bring him home with me. O.O i can’t believe it is really finally happening. hee hee and he was right..time did fly